what am i if not my ambition, i wonder out loud in a’s kitchen.
wet face breaking thru warm wind my existential apprehension
is soon lost to smoky inattention. i am manning the home bar for
the night, attending to frnds jostling at the counter for seconds and thirds.
i crush mint. bounce ice. trace salt with tipsy-tipped fingers
onto flashing rims. like a cat with a laser light, half-body, half-music,
i chase the sweet opening notes of Please Please Me. post-class lunch
is a forgotten dream, another day when i picked reels over meals. in
the din of spinning skins, my spine unspools. hands floating between
water and wine, finding ground in the alchemist’s playground. my
mama always said ambition requires perfection and perfection calls
for discipline and discipline necessitates sacrifice. as k pulls me under
the disco light, i wonder how much time i’ve lost trying to do right
in lieu of just. doing
Anushka Bidani is a poet & essayist from India. You can find her at anushkabidani.com
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